Stay with me
My client is in pain. I can feel and see it. Her relationship recently has come to an end. Which has triggered an old pain: Feeling abandoned by her father when he separated from her mother.
Many carry either a fear of abandonment or an addiction to love inside of them. Often both. Since both are just different sides of the same coin. Coming from a deep need for love and the pain of not having felt it as a child.
In intimate relationships these emotions can easily come up. Something happens, it triggers your pain and you start to act emotionally like a child. Because there is a part of your inner child, that still feels immense pain. It has not been able to release this pain or fear. It did not know how then and still does not know.
So what can you do, when you observe or feel one of these emotional behaviors?
1. Stay connected with the feeling
2. Hold the pain or fear. Be present with it
3. Allow it to be (t)here
4. Let it express itself when it wants to. Scream, cry, dance, paint, kick whatever it takes to get this emotion/energy moving
5. Love yourself through it all
6. Communicate honestly and open with your spouse or boyfriend/girl about what you feel
7. Stay present in the conversation, while both of you are allowed to share their feelings
8. Let go of any need to fix or change anything
9. Just listen to each other
10. Treasure moments of silence when they occur
11. Love each other through this process
When you feel and share the pain honestly and raw, you will feel a relief. A space can be felt. Which instantly will be filled with love.
You bring light to your shadows. Now that you have become conscious about your shadows, you no longer need to act upon their pain. You can connect with the pain and allow it to be there. While you take full responsibility for it too. Instead of projecting it on the other.
Step by step you will (both) transform your addiction to love or your fear for abandonment into authentic love. A love that does not claim, manipulates or blaims anybody. A love that has no judgment.
When that moment has come. Your relationships will no longer be bonds, but (sacred) connections.